So lately I’ve been having more and more conversations about why dating is dumb to me. First of all…I hate dating…so let me start with that. I mean, I think it is stupid the way it currently works in today’s society. Mostly because people view dating as a title. They tend to act and react based on what they want from the other person rather than respond to the actual situation. Expectations are heightened and people feel like dating gives them certain rights and privileges to another person’s time, space, and energy. If you think about it, it’s actually really selfish.
This is how I’ve experienced dating in the past…
- Men come in with a certain set of thoughts and plans and they just expect me to go along with it or fall into what they have set up in their mind without sharing anything with me. (Bad idea)
- Men show their “representative” to me and hope that I fall so deep into the representative that when they reveal who they really are, I won’t leave. (I pick up on things quickly so…)
- Men say what they think I want to hear in an effort to get me to do what they want me to do. (I believe actions not words so…meh)
In my mind, it shouldn’t work like that (which is ultimately why I don’t date). The way I see it, dating is a part of an already established relationship. I view dating is a tool used to keep people connected to the reason why they chose one another in the first place. Couples tend to plan time to date one another in an effort to expand and grow their relationship. In this sense, I love the idea of dating. Spending quality time with my man, taking trips together, spa days, long walks…yeah I’m down for that. That’s my kind of dating…doing wonderful things with the man I want to spend that kind of time with.
In my opinion, dating is not what you do when you are trying to get to know someone. Fact: You may take time getting to know someone on a deeper level but that doesn’t mean you are dating them. Dating is not what you do when you are interested in being single. Fact: You may go out with multiple people but that doesn’t mean you are dating them. Dating is not what you do when you are not considering or moving towards a long term relationship. People usually spend time with who they want to share their time with and not people who they are unsure about. Friends can go out and have fun together without expectations and requirements and learn more about one another in the process and that is not considered dating. Why do we consider it dating any other time?
Most of us are very particular about who we allow in our space and who we chose to give our time to. We are selective about saying we are in a relationship with someone so why not be just as selective with who we say we’re dating? More times than not it doesn’t work out and then we feel like we waisted our time. We spend time venting about how much of a waste it was and how we won’t get caught up in it again just to get excited to do it all over again. I actually think the biggest issue with dating is the lack of communication and honesty in most situations. There are so many games played because no one wants to get hurt. However, much of the hurt can be avoided if people are honest and upfront with their intentions.
So here is a piece of advice to anyone who is actually interested in dating me…don’t start there. Let’s be friends and get to know one another and SEE if we even want to cross that line.