During a recent conversation I learned that when we are involved with someone we tend to let them control larger portions of our lives than we do. We let so much of ourselves go when we allow someone else in. Finding a balance to maintaining self and experiencing another is essential to a successful relationship.
That balance is difficult to achieve when there are more people involved than the two in the relationship. It is understood that when we leave one relationship we will carry some of the previous experiences into the new situation. Sometimes it is inevitable to have others included. Our family, friends, and children will be involved. With these people involved, we control their involvement. We tell them what we want them to know. They see what we allow them to see. We share what we want with them and omit what we want from them.
On the other hand, some people do not need to be involved. An ex-partner should have no barring on our current relationship. They follow us through our lives due to their role and existence in our story prior to the current moment. Nonetheless, we should not attempt to keep the past in the present as we strive to move forward. It is not fair to anyone involved.
Someone will be lied to. Someone will be hurt. Someone will be made to feel unwanted, devalued, and insecure. As the person at the tip of the triangle, we must care enough about ourselves not to add stress and drama to our happiness. We must make the difficult choices. We must decide how we want to move forward. We have to decide who we want to stand behind us and who we want to stand beside us.